married!!!

well, i guess i'll have to figure out what to do with this blog now!

over the next few days, before school starts, i'll try to get some pictures up. r forgot his camera when we went to oregon for the wedding, so we're relying solely on others for documentation. so far it's been pretty good!

let me say this: the wedding was perfect. even the dress, officially the morning of the wedding, ended up exactly the way i wanted it. it was perfect. everything that day was. r and i could not be happier.

pics to come!

S T R E S S

well, it finally happened. this wedding has been, despite crazed fabric searches and much indecision, pretty smooth sailing. there has been virtually nothing to stress about and i thought i might be lucky enough, just easy-going enough, to get to the final day without a lot of tears and freakouts. alas. our eco-friendly, budget-friendly wedding is not emily-friendly.

maybe i'm just plain stressed out by it all. maybe it's that it's just a couple of days away now (although i really do not think i'm nervous in the slightest about marrying r), maybe it's seeing all my family for the first time in a long time last night... or maybe it's the dress.

the dress just happened too last minute. i didn't find the right pattern in time, so the test dress couldn't be made far enough in advance to cope with all the changes that need to be made. the pattern needs to be altered in many places, i think the fabric needs to change... but today is the only day left for putting it together. and that is just too damn close. i found a dress that i think could substitute - i think a was pretty unhappy that i might be pulling the plug. i don't blame her, she worked hard on it yesterday and i know she knows she can make the dress. and i know it too, there just plain isn't enough time to make that dress work on me.

i don't even know if i like the other dress i found, i'm just desperate to actually have one at this point. now i'm wishing that i'd bought the backup dresses i found all the times i went thrift-storing, all the times i thought "no way, i'll have the dress i want." the thing that sucks about it all... i don't necessarily care that much what the dress looks like, i just want to feel pretty in it. and i don't, not even a little bit, not in anything i've put on in the last few days. and THAT is what finally sent me into a breakdown when we got home last night. i just want to feel a little bit like a bride in my dress and as of two days before the wedding, there is no dress on the horizon that makes me feel that way. well, i guess something had to give.